I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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