Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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