youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
