I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
