Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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