We left an ass print on the piano.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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