In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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