Non-Jews are for practice
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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