So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
