Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
