I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
