so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
