I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
