Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You have to summon your inner elephant
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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