you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
