I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
