That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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