What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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