My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
