shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
