his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
