So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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