I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
