dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
