I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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