I'm lost and stupid without you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I smell stomach acid.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
