things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
