I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
