Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
