I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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