Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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