you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
