There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
