This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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