dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
