Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
