how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
