So drunk, too bad you don't want this
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
