The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
