I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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