Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
