He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
