A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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