I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
