you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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