so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
