dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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