PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
