ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Two words: blizzard sex
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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