i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
