Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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