i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
